Author: system

What should I do when confronted with dishonesty in children？

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Written by: Family Dynamics Psychological Counselor, Lai Shun Mei

Every time a child does homework, he or she falsely claims to have a stomachache, to go to the bathroom, or to go to sleep. Thousands of lies and excuses. Parents who value character development are naturally outraged because they have zero tolerance for dishonesty in their children. But why do children always avoid doing their homework? Why do they have to lie to cover it up?

Often, children avoid doing homework not because they don’t want to, but because they can’t. Children want to be good and smart, but when they find out they can’t do their homework, they think they are not smart enough. They can’t accept this and will lie to cover it up and avoid it. Generally speaking, children with normal intelligence but learning disabilities will have their academic performance affected to some degree, but they can excel in other areas as well. And regardless of their intelligence level, as long as they use the right approach, coupled with the right amount of training, they can also build the corresponding ability.

But why do people lie? When a person feels that he or she is in an uncomfortable situation, he or she will activate the defense mechanism to protect himself or herself. Lying is one of the ways to cope with a crisis by avoiding it. If parents want to help their children, they should allow them to tell the truth so that they can understand what their children really don’t understand.

How do you instill in children the courage to speak the truth? You have to let your child know that even if he is not smart enough, you will still love him so much, take him as your joy, be patient with him, and find ways to help him solve his problems together, thus building up his sense of security and making him feel at ease to reveal his inner uncertainties and difficulties. On the contrary, if his experience makes him think that he is not smart enough, which will lead to his mother’s anger and complaints, he will not dare to tell the truth and even activate his self-protection mechanism to protect himself with lies that adults can uncover at first glance.

At this point, the child will not only fail to protect himself but will also get into more trouble because the mother will be rehabilitated and will take the initiative to admit her mistake and promise not to lie again. But in fact, his homework difficulties are not resolved, creating a vicious cycle. Therefore, we encourage parents to learn to accept their children’s shortcomings so that they will have confidence in you and feel safe to open up to you.

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Parents Zone

Punishment or reward?

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Source: Dr. Law Wai Pak, Assistant Professor of the Department of Psychology at the Education University of Hong Kong and a registered educational psychologist

When it comes to getting their kids to study, many parents feel very frustrated and wish their kids could be self-motivated. When it comes to improving their children’s motivation to learn, many parents first think of using rewards and punishments. But which is more effective, using a stick or a carrot?

In fact, I believe that most modern parents understand that punishment is not a very effective method because it can hurt children’s bodies and undermine their self-esteem. Does this mean that using rewards is more effective? For example, “If you finish your book, you can have a pack of chips.” However, this method also carries hidden risks.

First of all, this reward often has to be constantly increased in order to be effective. Secondly, when there are no rewards, children will not automatically be motivated to study. Besides using punishment and reward, is there a third way?

Here, I would like to introduce three treasures to everyone: “sense of competence,” “sense of autonomy,” and “sense of relatedness.” What is the sense of competence? It is the belief that a child can learn new things and handle challenges. Parents can choose some challenging learning materials or homework that is not too difficult or easy for their children. For example, when they come to the library to choose a book, they should not choose a book with too many difficult words. Children should at least understand 70–80% of the words in the book. In addition, parents should provide more positive and helpful feedback to their children, appreciate their efforts, and brainstorm problem-solving methods with them.

The second thing is the sense of autonomy. Sometimes children may have a high sense of ability, but they will not learn autonomously when they feel oppressed. What can parents do to enhance their children’s sense of autonomy? You can let them make more decisions, encourage them when they study, and only offer help when they need it. Also, don’t give them too many instructions or use rewards and punishments inappropriately, as this can erode their sense of autonomy.

Third, it’s the sense of relationship. Since birth, everyone has had a need to be loved and cared for, and when children feel loved and cared for, they develop trust in their parents. When you ask them to study again, they will take it more seriously. How can parents strengthen their sense of relationship with their children? Listen to them more often, express empathy, and interact with them with a warm attitude. The most important thing is unconditional love, which means loving them regardless of whether their grades are good or bad.

If next time we urge children to study but they refuse, we can start with these three aspects: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Stop and think: How can I satisfy the child’s needs in these three areas? When these three needs are met, children will naturally and automatically learn and grow.

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Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone

Does scare-based education work?

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Source: Parenting Education Specialist, Ken Sir

“If you don’t eat well, I won’t let you watch TV tonight.” In daily parenting, we often teach children in the form of threats, hoping that they will be obedient. But is this method effective? Will it backfire?

One time when I was taking a minibus, I saw a grandmother with two grandchildren getting on the minibus. As soon as they got on the bus, the two grandchildren immediately sat in the back seat, while the grandmother chose to sit in a single seat near the door. As soon as she sat down, she turned around and said to the two grandchildren, “I’m telling you to sit back next to me right now, or else I’ll leave you two here when we get off the bus.” As a result, one of the grandchildren shouted loudly from the back. What was he shouting? “You always say that; I don’t believe you.” This incident demonstrates that many parents are used to threatening their children during their childhood.

What are some examples of this? “If you don’t eat, I’ll turn off the TV,” or “If you don’t finish your homework quickly, there won’t be any ice cream for you tonight,” etc. In fact, these methods of parenting often make children treat things as unimportant. If parents frequently use these types of threats, their children will grow up and no longer take them seriously. Therefore, parents must remember that when we ask children to do something, it is best to directly tell them what we want them to do without adding too many elements of threats or coercion.

Getting sick after blowing air conditioning, how can we strengthen children’s immune system?

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Source: Senior Nutritionist, Ng Yiu Fun

Many children and their parents go outdoors in the summer and feel very hot afterwards, so they want to go into the shopping mall to enjoy the air conditioning. At this time, if someone sneezes, children are easily susceptible to catching a cold or flu. How should parents deal with this problem? The first part is how to take care of them, and the other part is the diet to strengthen their immunity.

First of all, we should not enter the shopping mall immediately when it is too hot. When you are sweating a lot, you need to wipe off the sweat. In fact, sweat carries away the heat from our bodies, so the process of wiping off sweat makes it easier for the sweat to evaporate and carries away some of the heat from our bodies. It would be better for us to enter the shopping mall when our bodies are a little cooler.

Also, always be prepared with a jacket. Adults are the same; they need to have a shawl, which can be relatively better. On the other hand, if a child’s clothes are soaked, we should prepare an extra set of clothes to replace them, so that the clothes won’t stick to their back and cause them to catch a cold. In fact, the current towels are very long and can be placed on the back. After wiping the sweat with a towel, the clothes can remain dry.

In terms of diet, we can pay attention to whether children have a balanced diet. However, we must remember that children are picky eaters because they are still young, want to be independent, and have many opinions. But when we insist on letting them continue to try every food, even if they don’t eat it today, they can try it again another day. They may try it and get used to it after eating it many times, and then they will not be picky eaters. Perhaps the first time they try it, they may feel like vomiting just after putting it in their mouth, but it doesn’t matter because they have already tried the taste. But we can all be indomitable and keep trying.

In addition to having children eat their meals, I always recommend adding some millet to the rice when cooking because millet contains many different vitamins and minerals that can enhance the immune system, especially the rich vitamin B complex as well as calcium and iron. Also, remember to eat all kinds of vegetables and fruits; don’t just focus on studying and forget to eat fruits. Vitamin C can also help us increase our immunity.

 

Having such things can help children build a foundation, and we don’t need to take supplements. because it’s difficult to know if supplements are taken in excess, especially now that many people are taking fish oil capsules. In fact, the amount of fish oil capsules may be too much, and it may cause the blood to become thinner.

Another issue is the source of fish, which may be at risk of pollution if we don’t know where it comes from. It’s better to eat fresh fish, and red snapper is rich in Omega-3 fatty acids.

 

Finally, you can cook some soup, which my own children drink and which helps to improve their immunity. They don’t often bring home sickness after school, nor do they often miss school. It’s called “soup with walnuts, cashews, and chestnuts.” I buy two ounces of walnuts, two ounces of cashews, and half a pound of chestnuts, and I add some corn and carrots. You can also choose whether or not to include lean meat. Because it already has a sweet taste, the whole family can drink it, even babies over one year old, to strengthen their immunity and prevent illness.

 

 

 

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